the art of waiting

So we all know that old saying, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Well, it's a good point. (Who thought dairy products would make for such a perfect euphemism?) We set the tone of a relationship very early on with our decision whether or not to sleep with the guy. And in my experience(s), it's been very hard for that dynamic to change once it's been established. If we make it too easy to have just a sexual relationship, I don't know many guys who would work too hard to make it anything more. Giving it all up too soon allows sex to become the focus of the relationship. It detracts from where the focus should be, which is on two people getting to know each other and letting themselves fall into love. And without that, no true relationship is likely to come about.

I have a friend who is a serial dater - always manages to have a serious boyfriend. One day I was thinking about it and realized that in general she wasn't having sex with these guys early on or soon after meeting them. Rather, she waited. It wasn't always a matter of waiting until she was in love with the guy, but she waited until she trusted him and felt comfortable with him. She gave him the chance to let him love her as a person first instead of just a body or a sexual being.

Me, on the other hand... I am constantly searching for a connection but I've been going about it all the wrong ways. I wanted love so badly but each time it failed to present itself I simply settled for the next best thing: lust. In some cases I thought that having sex with the guy would make him fall in love. It was like I didn't value myself enough to believe that someone could fall in love with me any other way. Other times, it was just pure impatience (and maybe some help from my trusty alcoholic beverages). Whatever the situation was, I was letting the idea of love fool me into doing something that I wasn't sure I thought was right or even wanted to do.

The more I keep thinking about it, I struggle to come up with a con to waiting. I mean, yeah, sex is generally prettyyy phenomenal - and when you're not having it, all you can think about is how bad you want it. But overall, I don't know many girls in healthy, committed relationships who look back and think to themselves, "Man, I wish I had slept with him sooner!"

Now I'm sure this isn't the case for everyone. There are certainly exceptions to every rule. But for me, from now on, I'm going to stop putting my money on being the exception. Bottom line is you know yourself best. So wait a month, wait a year, or don't wait at all - whatever you choose, just remember that the choice is yours. Because, after all, you are the ruler of your Sex World.