why college degrees don't make boys any smarter

This one is my favorite: “I don’t want a relationship right now…I just want to have fun.” That’s a classic cop-out, especially from college guys. It just makes me wonder: When did relationships get the bad rep of not being fun? The way I see it, a relationship means guaranteed sex, companionship, and conversation requiring little to no effort. And then when does their single “fun” end? Do they think on graduation day they’re just going to move the tassel to the other side and all of sudden turn into a serious, committed, relationship-kinda guy? (For the record, this is not the case. I graduated 8 months ago along with plenty of 22 year old males and as far as I’m concerned, their degree hasn’t changed their dating behavior at all.)

I knew this was an issue I had to try to see from a male’s point of view, so I asked my friend, Nick. He more or less confirmed everything I had already thought. However, he proceeded to describe how he would know that he met the right person who would make him settle down: “If I’ve been hooking up with a girl for a while and I still go to bars and look at other girls and feel myself wanting to hook up with other girls, then I know I shouldn’t get serious with anyone. But when those feelings go away and you find yourself not thinking about anyone else and not checking out other girls at the bars, not thinking about what they look like naked…that’s when you know.” How romantic.

The best part is, the guy who says this is always the one you end up running into at the gym three months later coming out of “couples yoga” with his new girlfriend. Part of you wants to run, but you know better. So you walk right up to him, shockingly act like you’re so excited to have run into him and say, “Oh I didn’t realize you were dating these days! Why didn’t you call me??” (Okay, so I’ve never done that…but I don’t think it’s something I need to experience first-hand to know that it’s not recommended.)

By now I have obviously realized that these guys are generally full of shit. Whether you want a relationship or not, if someone comes along that you truly want to be with you will find yourself hard-pressed not doing so. I’ve come to terms with the fact that it wasn’t the relationship they were denying – it was me. Sounds terrible when you say it outloud, huh? So what do you do? You hold your head high and patiently wait your turn.

the dangers of blogging while drinking Cabernet

I want every woman who's ever consumed a glass of wine without consequently getting emotional about a dude - real or imaginary; yours or not; from the past or present - to please come forward. I'm serious. Come forward ladies. Both of you!

You see, it happens to the best of us. So don't ask me how many glasses I've had - who keeps track anyway? - because we all know it really only takes one...


The nose immediately brings me back to senior year of college on a snowy day in February. As the first sip fills my mouth and slides down my throat I recognize the taste. I remember sharing the bottle and feeling the burn of the alcohol and the oaky plum flavors from his tongue mixed with mine as we kissed.

Fast forward to the following January and that guy would probably rather mix his tongue around with a razor blade. I wish I could tell you why, or what, or how - but I can't. So I drink a glass of wine, and I wonder (read: analyze)...the answers don't come to me. I think to myself that I'm probably too sober to have any real thoughts, so I pour another glass. Still nothing. One glass later and I'm still analyzing - this time outloud:
"Maybe I should have sex with him."
"Maybe I should have never had sex with him."
"I always made myself too available. Maybe I should just act like I'm not interested."
"I never let him know how much I cared."
"I care too much."
"Telling him I loved him was a mistake." (For the record, I've never said it sober, yet I fail to find any positive correlation between my blood alcohol level and my love level. Don't fight me on this one.)

This goes on long enough for me to call up some girlfriends (really girls, aren't you sick of it yet?). Either they were drinking Cabernet as well, or they could just hear the 13.5% Alcohol by Volume in my voice, because they started analyzing outloud too:
"You just need to be confident and show him that he's not getting to you!"
"You are too good for him!!!"
"Just think about all the new boys you will meet!!!!!"

I'm too buzzed to snap back with any type of witty response about how "I can't wait to meet those new boys either because I always wanted to feel this pain of rejection from multiple sources", so I just let them think that they're right and that they're motivating me to a happier place where "he" no longer affects me. I hang up and go to pour myself another glass...but there's only enough left to provide a few final swallows.

I spend all this time looking for answers in a bottle, but by the end of the night I've consumed enough that there is no liquid left to reflect whatever it is I'm looking for.

Day One

So here I am...

First, there's something you should know... I often write in the form of a question - I don’t claim to have it all figured out (OK, who am I fooling? I DEFINITELY don't have it figured out). I try to answer some of these questions based on my own experiences, but they are still not answers as much as they are simply thoughts. This isn’t meant to be normative - my intention is not to create a rule book for how you should live. It's simply a compilation of perspective and experience - honest, yes; biased, definitely. I write because I feel that my stories are relatable. Sometimes, just knowing that you’re not the only one out there who went through something is all it takes to change your outlook. Sometimes I get confused and sometimes I contradict myself, but that’s because I write as thoughts come to me. It all gets a little complicated, and messy for sure, and sometimes you will wonder if I am certifiably crazy. All I can say is I write how I'm feeling at moments in time…highs, lows, and everything in between.

As much as I hope you enjoy what you read, I want you to know that this all started as a type of therapy and, more simply, a way to just record my thoughts. The more I wrote, the more I decided that the only way to get beyond these situations - learn from them - was to tell my stories. I want you to get to know me. I hope that you will find yourself laughing with me, crying with me, reprimanding me, questioning me, celebrating with me...enjoying life with me.

Cheers to new beginnings!